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Wednesday, December 30, 2009
{ 8:43 AM on '' }
Ugh I've been putting off ~reflecting~ back on 09 for some time now and I guess it's now or never.
Actually 09 has been so boring and uneventful that maybe I should ~reflect~ on the last 6 years because my life = school = rp
I never felt like a true Rafflesian anyway. A Rafflesian = Classchair + head of cca + member of congress + member of sln + part of osl + psl. And I, my friends, despite being awesome, was never any of the above. Because honestly I couldn't care less. I was (am?) such a jaded person I don't know if it's just me or the environment (rg made me suffer serious esteem issues like the people in this school are totally ridic). But in any case Rg was okay I liked it because it was homely (not physically cos really the place is quite dilapidated I'd be worried if you consider that your home). So what if I wasn't the most enthusiastic person around, it didn't matter because I was fine in my own little bubble of angklung-hating, pepsicolainthemalayroom-playing friends. It was okay not to have a lot of friends because it didn't matter. Nothing much mattered when you're in rg, not the 230174032752 pts, not rs, not even your gpa (well it counts but aiya who cares).
But when I came to rj it was different. Everyone made new friends, joined new ccas etc and everything was so different. Walk into the canteen in the morning and you see the jock (soccer/rugby/hockey) table, dance table, touch rug table, netball table, archery table etc. It was so weird to me like suddenly everyone had their own identities and I didn't, not really. But I thought, what the hey, doesn't matter. But I think it some ways it really did matter because if there is a point in life where you should go out there and get involved in things and do things you've never done before, I think it's jc. But of course I did none of that and I would say I don't think I made choices that I should've made. Which is why my jc years are so sad. There is almost no fond memories at all. I wasn't depressed but I wasn't happy either. From jaded I became... unfeeling. Going through the motions like a robot. Oh well.
In the last 6 years the only thing I was passionate about was bahas. When I was a kid I used to watch 4pm finals with my dad on tv and even though I had no idea what the heck they were arguing about, I thought they looked super kewl and smart and I wanted to be just like them. Which is why I was extremely excited to follow the 06 team around. Even though I was completely useless and got bullied a lot, I enjoyed watching them brainstorm and practise and yell at each other and hearing Kak Guy's random spouts of wisdom. And even though I knew I wasn't a great debater(why is it not spelled "debator?") I liked it a lot and I am 4eva thankful for Brighty because I couldn't have asked for a better team. Even though I wasn't great, the team was and that's all that mattered. And because bahas was my one and only passion my whole happiness in rj hinged upon bahas (wah wah dramatic). Of course as we know rj bahas didn't turn out as I would have wanted it to and every single day of the past year I kept beating myself up because I knew every single thing could have turned out differently had I done just One thing differently. That One thing haunted me like 4eva and I was so depressed like totally dramatic y'all. But after thinking about it for so long, I doubt that I would do anything differently. Even though my attempt to prevent nonsense ended up causing more nonsense anyway, I think at the end of the day I suffered most of the nonsense and that's better than making someone/everyone else suffer, amirrite? So I didn't get to look kewl and smart like the debaters I used to watch but what the hey it was fun while it lasted. And although bahas and I have unfinished business, I think it's time we say goodbye and go our separate ways. Goodbye... bye... bye.... by...(echo, to make it dramatic)
I suppose I thought that I would be more... evolved at the end of 6 years (like a Pokemon) but I really don't. Am I smarter/more experienced/more mature? I guess in some ways yes but I don't know if it's enough. I will be 19 in a few months and it's a scary thought like where on earth has my teenage years gone?! Everytime I do/say/consider buying something I will pause and think whether this is what a 19 year old will do/say/buy. If this is not an identity crisis I don't know what is. But what the hey (how many times have I used this phrase?!) I survived the most important exams in my life (for now, maybe different story when results are out) and I am set to rule the world. Oh except I'm lacking in funds because no one wants to hire me because of my unconfirmed conversational malay schedule and my lack of work experience like hello of course no experience because you people don't want to hire me? Duh. But you know what. WHAT THE HEY 2009 CAN KISS MY BIG FAT ASS.
Come to Mama 2010. Come to Mama.
(that was so not a ~reflection~ it was a rant about random things but whatevs I am awesome)
Oh and to anyone who cares, I am moving. Merkz has been good but I want change. See you soon.
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Wednesday, December 30, 2009
{ 8:43 AM on '' }
Ugh I've been putting off ~reflecting~ back on 09 for some time now and I guess it's now or never.
Actually 09 has been so boring and uneventful that maybe I should ~reflect~ on the last 6 years because my life = school = rp
I never felt like a true Rafflesian anyway. A Rafflesian = Classchair + head of cca + member of congress + member of sln + part of osl + psl. And I, my friends, despite being awesome, was never any of the above. Because honestly I couldn't care less. I was (am?) such a jaded person I don't know if it's just me or the environment (rg made me suffer serious esteem issues like the people in this school are totally ridic). But in any case Rg was okay I liked it because it was homely (not physically cos really the place is quite dilapidated I'd be worried if you consider that your home). So what if I wasn't the most enthusiastic person around, it didn't matter because I was fine in my own little bubble of angklung-hating, pepsicolainthemalayroom-playing friends. It was okay not to have a lot of friends because it didn't matter. Nothing much mattered when you're in rg, not the 230174032752 pts, not rs, not even your gpa (well it counts but aiya who cares).
But when I came to rj it was different. Everyone made new friends, joined new ccas etc and everything was so different. Walk into the canteen in the morning and you see the jock (soccer/rugby/hockey) table, dance table, touch rug table, netball table, archery table etc. It was so weird to me like suddenly everyone had their own identities and I didn't, not really. But I thought, what the hey, doesn't matter. But I think it some ways it really did matter because if there is a point in life where you should go out there and get involved in things and do things you've never done before, I think it's jc. But of course I did none of that and I would say I don't think I made choices that I should've made. Which is why my jc years are so sad. There is almost no fond memories at all. I wasn't depressed but I wasn't happy either. From jaded I became... unfeeling. Going through the motions like a robot. Oh well.
In the last 6 years the only thing I was passionate about was bahas. When I was a kid I used to watch 4pm finals with my dad on tv and even though I had no idea what the heck they were arguing about, I thought they looked super kewl and smart and I wanted to be just like them. Which is why I was extremely excited to follow the 06 team around. Even though I was completely useless and got bullied a lot, I enjoyed watching them brainstorm and practise and yell at each other and hearing Kak Guy's random spouts of wisdom. And even though I knew I wasn't a great debater(why is it not spelled "debator?") I liked it a lot and I am 4eva thankful for Brighty because I couldn't have asked for a better team. Even though I wasn't great, the team was and that's all that mattered. And because bahas was my one and only passion my whole happiness in rj hinged upon bahas (wah wah dramatic). Of course as we know rj bahas didn't turn out as I would have wanted it to and every single day of the past year I kept beating myself up because I knew every single thing could have turned out differently had I done just One thing differently. That One thing haunted me like 4eva and I was so depressed like totally dramatic y'all. But after thinking about it for so long, I doubt that I would do anything differently. Even though my attempt to prevent nonsense ended up causing more nonsense anyway, I think at the end of the day I suffered most of the nonsense and that's better than making someone/everyone else suffer, amirrite? So I didn't get to look kewl and smart like the debaters I used to watch but what the hey it was fun while it lasted. And although bahas and I have unfinished business, I think it's time we say goodbye and go our separate ways. Goodbye... bye... bye.... by...(echo, to make it dramatic)
I suppose I thought that I would be more... evolved at the end of 6 years (like a Pokemon) but I really don't. Am I smarter/more experienced/more mature? I guess in some ways yes but I don't know if it's enough. I will be 19 in a few months and it's a scary thought like where on earth has my teenage years gone?! Everytime I do/say/consider buying something I will pause and think whether this is what a 19 year old will do/say/buy. If this is not an identity crisis I don't know what is. But what the hey (how many times have I used this phrase?!) I survived the most important exams in my life (for now, maybe different story when results are out) and I am set to rule the world. Oh except I'm lacking in funds because no one wants to hire me because of my unconfirmed conversational malay schedule and my lack of work experience like hello of course no experience because you people don't want to hire me? Duh. But you know what. WHAT THE HEY 2009 CAN KISS MY BIG FAT ASS.
Come to Mama 2010. Come to Mama.
(that was so not a ~reflection~ it was a rant about random things but whatevs I am awesome)
Oh and to anyone who cares, I am moving. Merkz has been good but I want change. See you soon.
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